Have you ever...

Ever...	spent 15 minutes figuring out why your bike won't start, and found the kill switch at 'off'?
Ever...	run on to reserve halfway through overtaking a truck?
Ever...	ridden 10 miles in the fog at 15 mph, only to find your visor was misted up?
Ever...	tried to ride off with a padlock on your front wheel?
Ever...	put on your best macho pose when riding past a bus queue, and had a side panel/exhaust/passenger fall off?
Ever...	waited for a bus to come before retrieving it?
Ever...	been hit on the forehead by a 70 mph bumble bee?
Ever...	been hit in the face by a 70 mph bat?
Ever...	been amazed at how much green and yellow crap there is in a bumble bee?
Ever...	changed down instead of up while showing off to your mates?
Ever...	ridden round the block with the petrol off to starve your Triumph of fuel when it wouldn't turn off?
Ever...	think of stalling it instead?
Ever...	turn off the ignition, then the kill switch, then pulled off the plug leads, and still had the engine running? ( an overheating Neval 125 with a bad case of carbon build up)
Ever...	bought a sidecar outfit and smacked the chair into a petrol pump the first time you got petrol?
Ever...	waved to a fellow biker at 140+ and dislocated your shoulder?
Ever...	waved to a fellow 'Harley' rider, only to discover it was a librarian on an Intruder?
Ever...	had to wear your sunglasses indoors for a week, after that long hot ride left you with a suntan like a panda?
Ever...	been stopped for drunk driving and told the police "Thank God for that, I thought the steering had gone"?
Ever...	screamed with pain as your hands and knees thaw out after a cold ride?
Ever...	remembered you haven't bungeed your tent down just as you see it fly off in your mirrors?
Ever...	dashed to the bogs and felt the relief of making it just in time?
Ever...	then discovered that your frozen hand is actually holding your front shirt tail and you are lubricating your leg?
Ever...	swapped bikes with your best mate and crashed his new pride and joy?
Ever...	been so cold you couldn't get off your bike?
Ever...	had the drive chain of the bike you are following come off and fly past your head?
Ever...	wondered why your 'Fat Bob' tank didn't hold much petrol, then been told you have to fill up both sides?
Ever...	undone the drain bolt on a Jap bike and not had a gallon of hot oil up your sleeve?
Ever...	had your throttle stick wide open?
Ever...	crashed into the side of a car, gone over the bars, and performed three somersaults before wrapping yourself round a bus stop, and had a passerby ask if you are alright?
Ever...	tried to slug a passerby with a broken arm?
Ever...	wake up face down halfway through your front door after coming home from a party, and found your bike parked neatly at the kerb side with it's fuel and ignition off?
Ever...	wondered how in the hell you managed that?
Ever...	given the finger to a jesticulating car driver then realized your right pannier is on fire?
Ever...	got off your bike to greet your date on a cold night, with the contents of your nose splattered all over your face?
Ever...	seen a patch holder smile?
Ever...	found a car driver grappling with your bike, so he can make room to park his car?
Ever...	helped him when you've seen the size of his buddies waiting in the car?
Ever...	puked while wearing a full face lid?
Ever...	got back to your tent drunk at a rally, and woken up to find you are in fact in someone elses' tent? (This one is especially for Russel "The Tent Burner")
Ever...	taken your new date out for a ride and not told her that her jeans are covered in chain lube?
Ever...	wondered why she never returned your calls?
Ever...	ran over a cat and had it get well and truly jammed under your front mudguard?
Ever...	left home without your waterproofs and not had it rain?
Ever...	been refused entry to a Harley dealer because you don't meet their dress code?
Ever...	walked into a 'biker' bar and after half an hour noticed their are no females present and the only bike outside is yours?
Ever...	explained to a bus queue that you are a stunt man on your day off, after sliding off in front of them?
Ever...	rushed home early to catch your appearance on 'True Stories of the Highway Patrol'?
Ever...	gone to the bathroom after dinner at your dates parents, and discovered your face/beard is covered in dead flies?
Ever...	not dropped a spanner/drainbolt/contact lense in the oil drain can?
Ever...	had a spin on oil filter that doesn't need the strength of Popeye on steroids to undo?
Ever...	refilled your bike with fresh oil, and then realised you haven't replaced the drain plug?
Ever...	bought spares for your GoldWing at a Tupperware party?
Ever...	had your bike stolen, then had it returned a few days later in better condition than when you last saw it?
Ever...	spent fifteen miles straining to identify an odd rattle, only to discover it was a press stud on your jacket flapping in the breeze?
Ever...	decided to do your own servicing to save money, then paid the shop four hours labour to put right your mistakes?
Ever...	been pulled for speeding and explained to the policeman that you couldn't have been going that fast as you were only on the first lap, and your tyres weren't warmed up yet?
Ever...	had a car driver make a statement to the police that read " I didn't see the motorcyclist approaching as I pulled out, but he was speeding. I know this because I saw him approaching very fast as I pulled out."
Ever...	come out of a race meeting and spent three hours trying to find your bike amongst 1500 other bikes identical to yours?
Ever...	wondered how those two grinning idiots on 'Chips' always managed to corner upright?
Ever...	thought that road rage should become an Olympic sport?
Ever...	wonder why bikers in the movies never suffer from helmet hair?
Ever...	filled your fork legs with oil and pumped them down to see what they feel like?
Ever...	wished you'd refitted the top nuts first?
Ever...	gone more than twenty miles on your Triumph twin and not had some crucial component fall off or catch fire?
Ever...	been on first name terms with the Storeman at your local tyre depot?
Ever...	snapped the padlock shut on your front wheel just as you realize the key is hanging on a hook in your kitchen?
Ever...	ridden home from the pub because you were too drunk to walk?
Ever...	had your bike condemned by the Govt. as 'environmentally unsafe'?
Ever...	had to sit next to the looney on the bus, and found yourself agreeing with his theories?
Ever...	got sunburn on your butt cleavage after your quick pre ride check took just a little longer than you expected?
Ever...	believed a mechanic when he told you "Oh they all do that mate, perfectly alright"?
Ever...	believed a storeman when he's told you "Your parts will be here tomorrow, I dealt with your order personally"?
Ever...	believed a sprayer who told you "Yeah, no sweat mate, two weeks tops"?
Ever...	believed a buddy when he told you "I only need your power tools for an hour and I'll bring 'em right back"?
Ever...	thought "I can save it...." just as the back wheel overtakes the front at 60mph?
Ever...	thought "I'll just give that nut/bolt another half a turn for luck"?
Ever...	regretted it?
Ever...	been scared to go home after blowing this years holiday money on that 'must have' chrome fender rail?
Ever...	pulled up at a red light and heard the scream of tyres skidding behind you?
Ever...	heard, and felt, a fly doing 12,000 revs inside your ear while wearing a helmet?
Ever...	meticulously rebuilt your engine then found your new base gasket on your bench?
Ever...	understood a wiring diagram?
Ever...	forgotten to pick your sidestand up?
Ever...	forgotten to put it down?
Ever...	found out that adrenalin is warm, runny, and smells.....kinda familiar?
Ever...	park your bike in the sun and come back to find the plastic melted?
Ever...	been thrown out of a Harley dealer for laughing at the price tags?
Ever...	buy a t-shirt that wasn't black?
Ever...	angle your slash cut pipes upwards and say to your Mother in Law "Hey, you still want to go for a ride? I know a real long route you'll just love"? (Hint: think carbon monoxide).
Ever...	get first prize in a River Dance competition when you got your boot lace caught in your gear change linkage?
Ever...	puke over your bike and then won 'Best 3D Paint' at a rally?
Ever...	wonder why strawberries taste as good coming up as they did when they went down?
Ever...	met the owner of an elderly Guzzi who doesn't start it with a screwdriver and a shower of sparks?
Ever...	had your kid take the mangled remains of your gearbox to school for 'Show and Tell'?
Ever...	had your whole life flash before your eyes and thought, "Hang on, don't remember that bit"?
Ever...	had your whole life flash before your eyes and just as it reaches your last maintenance session, found yourself shouting "Tighten the caliper bleed nipple yah bum, ferrchrissakes tighten the bleeee....awwwshhhhiii...."?
Ever...	looked at the prices in a billet catalogue and thought "Now that's what I call value for money"?
Ever...	wondered what it'd be like if Lucas made computers?
Ever...	wondered when the Japs are going to produce 'out of the box' rat bikes?
Ever...	realized that Jawa/CZ already do?
Ever...	got rip roaring drunk, torn your leg off when you crashed your Harley, then thought "Those no good mongrels should've fitted crash bars to this bike, I'm gonna sue 'em for a million bucks"?
Ever...	wondered what would've happened if Messrs Harley + Davidson had been called something else instead....like Marks and Spencer or Abbot and Costello?
Ever...	thought to yourself "What the hell am I doing reading this crap"?